we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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