Can Purell be used as lube?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
