Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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