i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
