How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
