it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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