I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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