I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
