It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Barsexuality is the new black.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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