I looked at my own cervix.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
