roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
