wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
