id be glad to
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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