first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
