take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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