Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
