im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
