got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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