if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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