people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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