You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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