dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
