No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
zippers are such a cool invention
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
