the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude. I can hear the air.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
