how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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