I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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