The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think people are normalizing furries
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
