you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a search helicopter?!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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