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Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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