I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
