Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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