I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
