I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize