Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
