All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
