these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
