I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
