I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
