omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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