Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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