Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
