Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
