OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
