I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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