batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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