Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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