So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
