Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
