from now on my penis is your penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd cum for enchiladas.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize