We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
