Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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