do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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