Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
