So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
