Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
