Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
