He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
