Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
