She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
