guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
