can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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