i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
