i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
