he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
