u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
