I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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