I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
