nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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