I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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