I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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