so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
