i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
