Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
