I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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