Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
