I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
