This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
