I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
