I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
