YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
