I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
