Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
