What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
