She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
