I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
